Wonderings and Wanderings|
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|Thursday, May 2nd, 2013|
|Stupid Way To Start A Day
Oh, my. I was doing a stupid IM chat with a person this morning, and I wanted to make the thing I was writing into 2 separate paragraphs; so I hit carriage return, forgetting that it just sends the thing when you do that. So I sent this stupid, unedited version of this thing - this thing that I was planning on either erasing-and-rewriting or heavily revising. So now I feel like an impulsive fuck, sending something I really wish I hadn't sent, even though it was an accident. Oh, well. That's a stupid way to start a day.
|Tuesday, April 30th, 2013|
Oh, my. I'm not sure what to write about. I need to study, though. I need to start studying. Yeah, I need to start studying. Shit, okay, wow. It's weird to not have any ideas of what to write about. Yeah, it's all so very dumb. I hear annoying voices outside. I mean, I guess they're regular voices, technically speaking. But these days, I'm annoyed by voices, in general. They're just annoying. I feel like humans are just an annoying species. I wonder why we're so annoying. Poopity poop.
|Monday, April 29th, 2013|
There, I finished applying for a poopy job, so now I can treat myself with...uh, um...hmmm. I guess I'll treat myself with more coffee. That sounds great! The weather is hot here, and it's making my kitties all wilty. Poor little wilty kitties. Then again, maybe they're not wilty; it may be that they're just doing their regular cat-thing. Cuz even when it's not hot, they still take lots of naps. Shit, okay, I can't think of anything else to write about. You know what I really like about that comic book I wrote? It has the word "fuck" in it a lot.
|Monday, April 22nd, 2013|
|Earth Day Poopity Poops
Huh, okay, wow, yeah. It's funny, cuz the previous post is a good one for Earth Day, cuz it's about trees, sort of. But today's earth day, and I dunno what to write about. I just figured I should write something cuz it's a good idea to write stuff on days you sort of care about. I guess I care about earth day, even though I'm not doing anything for it. Poopity poop. I did a special sort of meditation that's supposed to help the trees, though. But I didn't do it for earth day, in particular. I do it on a lot of days cuz it's just a fun thing to do. A hawk is squawking out there, and so are a bunch of crows. Actually, yeah, those crows are on about something. Oh,here comes the hawk. Wait, no. He turned around. Wait, there he is, up there in the sky. Okay, he left. That was exciting.
|Tuesday, April 16th, 2013|
|Made From People!!!!!!!!!! People!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just went out and bought a ream of paper. On the package, it says, "____ Papers are made from trees, a sustainable resource. Unlike some natural resources, such as fossil fuels, trees are renewable."
That sounded kind of weird to me, cuz they were making it all positive that paper is made from trees. I wasn't surprised that the paper I was buying was made from trees, cuz most paper is. I'd rather it was made from hemp, though, cuz it takes a lot longer to grow a tree than to grow a hemp plant. It also sounded funny, cuz you could totally extend that logic and it would end up sounding absurd. You could say "____ Papers are made from people, a sustainable resource. Unlike some natural resources, such as fossil fuels, people are renewable."
|Monday, April 15th, 2013|
I thought I'd post this as a separate post, cuz I've found that a lot of my recent entries have gotten so long and boring that it's hard for me to stay interested when I read it again.
I wonder what's gonna happen with that new version of bird flu that's out there. I guess nobody can predict cuz flu's have a way of mutating and whatnot, and that makes it hard to tell what's going to happen. It sounds like it could get serious, but it's hard to tell.
But I wonder why it dropped off the headlines so fast. Maybe the people who compile Google News don't want to get people alarmed. It may be something like that. Cuz, it's not like it stopped spreading, or like people stopped getting it, or anything like that. But you have do a specific search of "bird flu" to see anything about it.
I dunno. It's all so very weird. But, I was thinking about it. I like to collect feathers that I see on the ground, if they're nice looking feathers. I don't think I'm gonna stop doing that. I don't know if you can get bird flu from picking up a feather, but I don't think I'm going to stop picking up feathers. Nope. I don't think I will.
|Writing About Holographic Fucked Up Shit
Dude, I feel like poop today, and I didn't get much done. I got some stuff done, but other stuff is sorta bein' held up by other people that I need stuff from. That's kind of poopy, cuz I'm the kind of person who wants to work on 1 thing at a time, and when I'm done with one thing, I move on to the next. But since there're things being held up, I'll just have to work on other stuff, while I'm waiting to be able to finish the thing I want to get done.
And, like, today, shit dude. I wonder who set those bombs off in the Boston Marathon. That's some seriously fucked up shit. I don't like it when people do things like that, and I don't understand it neither. Like, what did whoever-it-was have against runners and people who wanted to watch runners? That's so fucked up.
I wanted to go on a run today to show my solidarity, but I feel like poop, and it's so windy out there, that I'd be afraid of getting hit by a tree-limb. I guess I'll do some writing instead (not that the 2 are mutually exclusive). I wonder how much fucked up shit from today'll find its way into my writing. Those poor characters. I keep on polluting their lives with my own shit. But, then again, that was the purpose of me writing this stuff in the first place. It's like a holographic representation of fucked up shit from real life, but told in a fun, little fantasy, story-like manner.
|Tuesday, April 9th, 2013|
|A Hole in a Resume
Weird, man - weird. There was a weird thing that happened just now. It's like, okay. I'm, like, filling out a job application, right? And then I see that there's a mistake on my CV. There was a misspelling. See, one of my ex-bosses - he has a complicated name, that man does. He sure does. And I noticed I'd spelled his name two different ways in two different places. I'm all, "Doh!" So, I go online to look up his name and find out the real spelling of it. It turns out that some anonymous person wrote a blog with only one entry on it. It's called "____ Sucks." (Fill in the blank with the name of my ex-boss). I'm not including the name cuz I don't wanna violate confidentiality, even though there's already a blog out there with his name on it. Oh well. Anyway, it said all this bad stuff about him, and I was all, "whoah!" It's like, in retrospect, I'm sort of not surprised by the bad stuff that's outlined in the blog; but at the same time, I'd made all these positive assumptions about the man, because I tend to be a trusting-sort of person.
Then, I went searching to see if there was any other dirt I could find on the dude. It's not like I'm vindictive or anything else. It's more like: I'm just curious, and I have a tendency to get sucked in to the internet. I guess a lot of people have that tendency.
Oh, dude. Like, then I happened to stumble across like some kind of resume thingy, posted by an ex-boyfriend o' mine who worked at that very same place. Oh, man. No, it's so weird, dude. It's so friggin' weird, man. Like, I looked at his list of publications, and I'm all "that's funny - where's the one with me in it?" Cuz there was one publication that had both me and him in it, along with a bunch of other people.
Dude! I realized there was this huge, gaping hole in his list of publications. The hole was all the years that me and him knew each other. Oh, dude. Is it a coincidence? I mean, maybe he just thought the publications during that time period were not good enuff to include in his list o' publications. Or is it something else?
Dude, that's some freaky-ass shit. I mean, if my assumptions are correct, then I wonder if this person wanted to erase all traces of me from his life. That's so weird, man. I mean, sure, I would rather eat dirt than go back to being in a relationship with this individual. I never want to see the fucker again for as long as I live. But, like, dude. I didn't erase him from my CV, though. That would just be stupid.
|Thursday, April 4th, 2013|
It's April 4, and I realized I needed to post something to commemorate this day. See, it's the anniversary of a break-up I had, um...wow. 12 years ago? Could that be right? Fuck, I'm old. At the time, I thought of it as sorta like Independence Day, cuz it had 4's in it, like Independence Day has a 4 in it. And also I became independent from, um, him. It was good to get away from him cuz he was yucky.
Today, I realized, this day has two 4's in it - and so does the age of one of my comic book characters. He's 44 years old. The other character is 33 years old. I started to wonder if today might be the 44-year-old character's birthday, because, for no apparent reason, I started spontaneously saying "It's __'s birthday." Then I would think, "That's strange," cuz, like, I'd never really thought of him as having a birthday before. But, like, yeah, I guess he'd have to have a birthday. Maybe my unconscious mind couldn't distinguish between a day that signifies his age (4-4 / 44 years old) and a day that signifies the date of his birth (some day in 11 B.C.).
The thing is, I wonder if it really is his birthday. Maybe that's why I keep on thinking of it as his birthday.
It's not the birthday of the guy I broke up with, though. That's probably a good thing.
|Thursday, March 28th, 2013|
It's that stupid, uncomfortable time, where you're sitting there, waiting to do the next thing you have to do, but you don't have any time to do anything else. Cuz the other things you have to do are the kinds of things where it's better to start them when you have a big block of time to devote to them, rather than spending a couple minutes and then having to stop in the middle and feel all dumb about it. I saw a movie last night that dealt with the law of attraction, and all that. It sez we create our own realities. I'm not gonna say much about that, you know. Cuz if I've created this reality, I wonder why I tend to create situations that have so many assholes in them. Strange-o, man. Strange.
|Tuesday, March 26th, 2013|
Oh, man, I need to get back to studying, but my attention span is really dumb today. I've felt dumb all day long. There was this one thingy I had to take care of, and I did that, and I felt all good about that. But, then it was time to get back to studying, and the stuff I'm studying is so boring that it's really hard to pay attention. I really need to, cuz it's to take a stupid test with. And you gotta get 83 percent right on it in order for you to be able to pass the thing. Fuckity fuck. I did a bunch of cooking yesterday, and the food turned out real good. But, today, I'm not in the mood for it, so now I have a bunch of food in the fridge that I don't wanna eat. Darn. I'll probably eat it anyway, cuz it'll only last a day or 2 before it goes bad.
|Monday, March 25th, 2013|
Is really big, and it has lots of enemies within it.
It got on my car one day.
I walked out of the door and said,
“There’s bird poop on my car.”
It ran down the stairs in torrents and streams of green packaging
And it made me think of the energy to sing;
But I had to drive to work as usual.
Crickets buzzed in my ears, breathing stupid songs
That I didn't know the words of.
I don’t know why people have to show off if they know the words to something.
You’d think they’d like to get another hobby
Like beating a tambourine with a tangerine and having a
Sweaty, arm-wrestling dream.
But, no, they, instead
Make excuses for the sun,
Burning lime green mists of energy and haze away from my hair,
And making me think of stupid breaths
And crows singing in the dark.
As usual, I don't feel like I have much to say at all right now. Poopity poop. Oh, man, yeah, okay, yes. I did it again. I made another modification to the old comic book. The Ye Olde Comic Book. I wonder if those last 3 edits'll be the last ones I do, man. Fuckity fuck, though, it hangs together so much better'n it did before. Just you wait and see! It doesn't suck nearly as much as it did before. I dunno, man. How many times have I said "I'm Completely Done!"? And then everybody around me congratulates me and sez, "Hey, that's great!" And then 3 weeks later, I'll say, "Now I'm completely done! I mean it this time!" Maybe I won't say it this time; I'll just say "I turned a corner." Now the thing, or most of it, anyway, reads like butter.
Wow, this is a boring entry. Heh. I could post pictures of the changes I made to the comic book to make this less boring, but then I'm afraid some unethical person'll come along and steal my idears. Yeah, I guess I won't post it then. Nope.
Wow, no, yeah, this is pretty boring, man. I'm gonna start writing a novel in 3 days. It's probably not going to be very good, but I sort of don't care all that much. It might even suck really bad. I sorta don't care about that, neither. You'd think I wouldn't care about the graphic novel sucking, either, since I don't care about this one thing sucking. But the thing is, the graphic novel doesn't suck, except for the sucky parts that I edited out, and it'd be a shame for the sucky parts to pollute the rest of it. That'd be a crying shame.
|Tuesday, March 19th, 2013|
|Boring Internet Stuff
Oh, man, it's kind of sucky, cuz I first got online to check my email, and now I've been sitting here for a long time, and it's kind of depressing. Oy. I guess I should do something other than look at the internet. The weird thing is, I didn't really get sucked in to facebook or anything like that. No, now I remember. I was on Netflix. I guess that's sort of productive, cuz now I have a bunch of movies I want to see in my queue. But it's sort of depressing too, cuz there's just something about internet stuff that's depressing. Like, you're not doing anything real. Huh. My writing is dumb today. It's dumb writing. I feel like I'm having difficulty stringing words together. I guess that's okay. That's okay, man. Yeah. Shit, I gotta do some dishes.
|Friday, March 15th, 2013|
I'm a-trying to teach myself how to draw. Whoo-boy, that's a challenge, man. But I came to a realization today that made me less frustrated about the whole thing. See, ever since a few months ago, after months and months of editing that ole graphic novel o' mine, I learned all those feverish edits made my eyeballs able to see better. I was able to spontaneously draw these nifty animal drawings I'd never been able to do before. That was kind of cool. And then for a few months, I'd draw something and it'd turn out real cool. And then I'd draw something else, and it'd look real stupid. Like, huh?
It was frustrating, cuz I thought I'd tapped into this really cool power - like, yes! I can draw! And then, whoops, wait, the next drawing looks like shit. Why can I turn on this ability sometimes, and other times my drawings look like crap????
Like those really cool drawings of my kitties from a few weeks ago. Those looked like something really cool, like a Japanese Anime artist might draw. And then the next day, I'd draw something else, and it'd look really dumb. Like, what???????????? Why's it not consistent???????????????
I think today, I sort of figured out what the difference was between the 2 types of drawings. But the explanation is long and boring, and anyone who's ever taken an art class would say, "Well, duh." It all has to do with lookin' at the gestalt. Like, every time you make the rough-sketch drawing more detailed, you have to do it on the level of the whole thing you're drawing and keep on looking at how all the parts work together and relate to the whole. Not just making the nose look good then moving onto the eyes, etc. Nope, it's gotta be the whole thing. Yup. I mean, I re-invented the wheel, in making this discovery, but it's kind of nice to know what the difference was, in these last few months, between my deformed bear drawings and my regular wolf drawings.
|Wednesday, March 6th, 2013|
|I Need To Clean The Dog Poop Up
I need to clean the dog poop up
The dog poop was dried and brown and small
The man had responsibilities
If no one cleaned the poop up, it would be never
I have to do it
I have to do it
Little dogs bite at my ankles like spider bites, and I have to come down
Down to reality, down to breakfast, down to eggs, to eyes in ham
I have to clean the dog poop and there’s nowhere else to go
Empty town and empty spade and empty empty show
If I don’t assume my responsibilities, nothing will get done
Nothing. No. Just me. No one.
The dog poop has crayons in it. The dogs must’ve been eating crayons.
I’ll have to tell the kids to put their crayons away.
I’m a sad old man, and my legs turn to sawdust
As kids jump around with stars in their eyes
Kids and small dogs run and poop, and I stoop with the bucket and mop
I’m the only one who does any work around here
I’m a peace maker and an appeaser
I’m a poopolicious poop-cleaning man
I’m an arm inside a spider Current Mood: exhausted
|Organic Versus Inorganic
Shit, dude, I still don't have anything to write about. I guess I don't care all that much. Nope, I guess I don't care at all.
I keep on having really dumb thoughts and then erasing them. Here's the weird thing. All that crazy revisioning I did on that comic book? It forced my eyes to see things differently, so I inadvertently got really good at drawing certain things. I'm really good at drawing animals, if I have one to look at. I drew a decent couple of trees a while back, too. And I drew a really good picture of The Starship Enterprise. But the weird thing is, that talent didn't translate to everything. I'm having trouble with lots of manmade objects (soda cans, chairs, a fireplace), and I'm having trouble with human faces. It's strange that this weird ability didn't translate to everything. Strange, man. I can sorta see the organic object versus manmade object distinction, you know. No 90 degree angles in nature. Or very few, I should say. So, maybe I just got good at drawing natural-looking, curvy-types of things. But, like, why would human faces not be included in that category? I know those are exceedingly hard to draw, but you'd've thought I'd've been a little bit better at them than I was before, since those're organic, just like animals and such. Very strange-o.
The strange thing is this. Our eyeballs are tuned to detect 90 degree angles. They really stand out to us. They stand out to us to the degree that people're very sensitive to pictures that are hung on the wall all crookedly. I remember one day, I was sitting in a room, and there was this phone on the wall across from me. And the phone was hanging all crookedly. I finally went over and made it straight cuz it was driving me crazy. I thought maybe I was being OCD and that the other people in the room would think I was weird. But then when I said something about it, they all agreed that the crooked phone was crazymaking. That made me feel better.
But why're our brains tuned to 90 degree angles if there are few of them in nature? Huh. I guess, hmmm. I dunno. I guess it's handy for telling if something's upright or not cuz upright things are essentially at 90 degree angles to the ground. Yeah, I guess that's what it is. Shoot, I guess I just contradicted myself a little bit. Maybe so.
|Tuesday, March 5th, 2013|
I don't really have anything to write about, but I felt like I wanted to write, anyway. Maybe that's a good thing. I wonder if writing is a sort of communication with yourself. Like, sometimes I feel like it's so easy to get lost and lose track of who you are and all that. And then you start writing and it's like sending a message to yourself. Maybe the message is saying to wake up or something. Maybe there're all sorts of messages.
Fuckity fuck. I keep on ending up with these dumb setbacks. It's kind of frustrating, really. I keep on thinking I'm done with this one project but then keep on running into technical difficulties. And it's mainly because when I set out on the project, I was too dumb and clueless to realize I was doing it wrong. But now, after having spent months on doing it wrong, I'm faced with a decision. Do I stay with the project as it is now? Or do I try to improve it? Cuz staying with it as it is now will be kind of a relief cuz I can put it to bed. But at the same time, it looks sort of dumb. And I think it has the potential to be so much better than it is right now.
I dunno. And at the same time, even if I make the project not look dumb, it's the strangest thing I've ever produced. Contained in this one single work is my most remarkable creation, but also my most horrifying failure. All in one package. It's all so very fucked up. And then I wonder if the dumb-stupid-ugly part of it will make it kind of artistic, cuz the fucked up things that were happening to the characters in the story were the same fucked up things that were happening to the person who was writing it. It's like this weird, meta-thingy that wraps around and is self-similar. It's similar to itself. The characters lose their connection with God, I lose my connection with God, the story gets dumb, and everything falls apart; but it's dumb and disasterous in an almost-cool, fucked up sort of way. Fuckity fuck. I dunno, man. I just dunno.
|Wednesday, February 27th, 2013|
|In The News
Oh, man, I'm in a really dumb mood. I've been in a really dumb mood all day long. I almost said "I've been in a really dumb mood all my life" - that's weird. Or, maybe that's not all that weird.
I discovered today that oak trees are a lot more bendy than I thought they were. See, in my conceptual representation of trees, I tend to think of all the branches and limbs and such as being made out of straight lines, and then branching out at certain angles and all that. But when I took a closer look, those branches and limbs and trunks and such have a lot of curves to them.
Yesiree. It's 10 minutes till the news, and I'm not sure why I'm all about watching the news these days. It's usually the same old story all over again. There's bad stuff happening in the Middle East. Congress are sitting on their asses, messing up our country, but they're getting paid really well. Someone killed someone else. Cute animal story. That's about it. I like the cute animal stories, though. Those aren't bad. Those are pretty okay.
|Monday, February 25th, 2013|
|Hoops To Jump Through
I've gotten to the point where there's just one final hoop to jump through to the thing I'm trying to get to. But it's always a little weird when I finish each of these hoops, cuz I'm so used to them taking up so much of my time that I feel a little lost when they're done. Fuckity fuck. I guess it doesn't matter that much cuz I don't think years from now I'm gonna be missing any of this stuff all too much. No, probably not. Ppppprrrrrrooooobbbbbbaaaaabbbbbllllyyyy