Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in enosdrive's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Friday, November 11th, 2011
7:21 pm	11-11-11 11-11-11 is such a cool date that I had to post an entry in my long-neglected journal. At least my poor long-neglected LiveJournal blog doesn't have to feel too bad cuz these days, I'm totally neglecting Facebook, as well. I'm pretty much neglecting anything. Is this state of hybernation I'm finding myself in the loss of a soul? Or is it a way for the ego to die and for the soul to take its place? I keep on hoping for the latter, cuz that would be cool. However, in this day and age, the red message lights flash blindingness into my eye-beam blinkers, and that's never too good news. No, the poor, stalwart party weather gear shifting screen of delight and desire makes way for the gray mass of cloud-gas dumbness. It just fucks with everything. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 25th, 2011
7:21 pm	Life's mission poops 'Twood be nice to know what mine was. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2011
1:44 pm	Dumb Pictures I've been noticing on Facebook that people tend to post pictures of newborn babies. And then other people comment: "S/he's beautiful!" It irritates me because the commenters are outright lying. Every single one of those dumb newborn pictures looks exactly the same. And they're not beautiful. They're smushed alien-looking creatures wearing dumb little snow-hats. It's always the same dumb little snowhat. And people are all obligated to say "how beautiful." Sure, babies can be beautiful, but that happens after they get less smushy looking and take off those dumb little snow-hats. It would be funny if people commented the truth instead. Something along the lines of: "Oh, another picture of a newborn. It looks exactly the same as every other picture of a newborn. Red and smushy, with a dumb little hat. Congratulations." (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 24th, 2011
1:16 pm	Borders Books I went to Borders Books yesterday for the last time. It was very sad. I think the saddest part for me was seeing all the cafe furniture piled up with a sign that sez "Cafe Closed Permanently" and "don't sit on the furniture - it does not belong to Borders anymore." That made me very sad. It was crazy, dude. It was, like, a total madhouse. Well, no. Everybody was well behaved. But, there were so many people there, going for the sake of getting bargains cuz it was a sale, after all. I couldn't find any parking places, so I had to park in the apartment complex next door. The line was all the way to the back of the store. I didn't go for the bargains; I went to say goodbye to the place. I wonder how many other people were doing the same. It was hard to tell. Funny, how you spend way more money on bargains than on regular stuff. I spent more'n I ever spent in a book store yesterday, cuz I figured I might as well enjoy it cuz it's the last time I'll ever do that. I must admit that I'm one of the many people partially responsible for Borders' demise. I go on Amazon a lot, cuz if you're looking for a specific title, that's the most efficient way to find it. But, nothing can ever replace the experience of going into a bookstore. There's just something so positive about the energy in big bookstores. It's all calm and there's yummy coffee. And you can spend hours just looking at different books and stuff. It's one o' the ways I like to treat myself. I love that Borders I used to go to. It was hard to believe I was there for the last time ever yesterday. I'm very sad. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 22nd, 2011
11:00 am	Apocalypse Well, the 'pocalypse didn't come yesterday. I'm guessing that preacher guy in Oakland's a little bit disappointed. Maybe I'll go check the news and see if there's any news about that dude. The funny thing is one of my facebook friends said maybe some people did get sucked into Heaven, but there just weren't that many of them. That's worth considering. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 21st, 2011
11:21 am	End Of The World???? I guess the world's supposed to end at 6pm tonight. Well, actually, technically speaking, all the good Christians get sucked up into Heaven and the rest of us sinners stick around and wait for the end to come on October 11, 2011. Okay, that's kind of cool, man. I mean, I suppose it's not all that bad to have to stick around with all the rest of the people who're suffering cuz maybe you could do some good. You could provide encouragement for your fellow sufferers and make them macaroni and cheese. I'd make macaroni and cheese if the end of the world was coming, because then I can go out and give my fellow sufferers a tasty treat. That's nice. No, really, let'see here. Cuz, the dude who predicted it, he lives in Oakland, so I'm guessing all those religious types are sitting there, waiting for it to happen, over there, across the bay from me. Although I read on Fox News that the apocalypse didn't come to pass in those time zones east of us, where 6pm already passed. Ah well. Alas. I guess I don't care that much, cuz technically speaking, the world is always ending. From one second to the next, things get different. Even shifting one's position slightly in a chair ends the world, cuz the world has gone from Version X to Version X + 1 because now the world includes me sitting in a different position. That's a different world. The world is constantly being re-born. I think there's even some theory in physics in which the world flickers in and out of existence constantly. If that's the case, and the world flickers in and out of existence, then here's a mind-bending possibilily. (I hate that turn of phrase - mind-bending. They always use it to describe dumb movies). Anyway, the possibility is this. Let's say the world just flickered outta existence just now and then came back. Given that nothing in the universe existed for that li'l span of time, that suggests that the length of time when we were all checked out could have been for millions and millions of years. Cuz time didn't pass for us during that instant (cuz we didn't exist). So it's like, from one second to the next, there could have been an eons long gap in between, that none of us were aware of cuz we didn't exist. Wow, man. But, my thought, too, is that crows get to stick around for those gaps because they're Messengers from The Void. The void is their terriory. So we all flicker outta existence, and that's when those guys get to really party. That's why when you see crows, they're in a good mood so much of the time. It's cuz they're partying their asses off while the rest of us are in a state of oblivion. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 20th, 2011
4:21 pm	internet popular It's been a while since I've written in this here blog, and it's kinda funny, cuz the advent of Facebook has made me a lazy-ass-turd, when it comes to blogging. But, ironically, I haven't been able to think of anything to say for my dumb little facebook status updates neither, so it's like I'm maintaining radio silence on this here internet. I dunno, man. It seems like some people thrive in this here internet land, while others don't so much. Sometimes I wonder about this dumb virtual space we inhabit here. I mean, like, I dunno. I dunno what I'm trying to say. But it's funny, cuz some people become real popular online, and I wonder if they're the same people who become popular in real life. Or is there a subset of people who are popular online, but not in real life? And what are the personality characteristics of those folks? The funny thing about this (and it could become a real research question) is that I really don't care at all. It's just a dumb question that came up. I think I'm kind of clever in real life, but online, I don't appear to be that clever. I'm not internet savvy. Take Facebook, for example. I want to post that I'm eating an egg salad sandwich on my facebook account, but the reality is that I'm nowhere near an egg salad sandwich. It just seems like a nice thing to post. Maybe I'll pop on over to Whole Foods and pick up an egg salad sandwich so I can post that I'm eating one. That way, I'll feel all truthful when I do that particular posting. Then maybe I'll be all internet-popular because people will think I'm really cool because I'm eating an egg salad sandwich. Cuz the thing is, if I just lied about eating an egg salad sandwich, some person might get clever enuff to cross-reference my facebook page with this blog, and they'll find out that I'm lying about the whole egg-salad-sandwich thing. Then I won't be internet-popular at all cuz they'll all think I'm just a big liar. That wouldn't be good. But then again, I could just go ahead an lie on this here blog and say I'm going to Whole Foods to pick up an egg salad sandwich, when I'm really not. In fact, I could craft an entire fake persona for myself, just so I can be internet-popular. The thing is, it won't really be me being internet-popular. It'll be my fake self being internet-popular. Then again, now that I'm thinking of it, a lot of us are walking around in this world with a fake self trying to get people to like us, so we don't even need the internet at all to be all phony baloney about the way we present our outward appearances. Nope, I don't need the internet at all to be all good and fake. I can just tell the people I work with that I'm going to Whole Foods to pick up an egg salad sandwich, but really go to some bar or something. Or a donut shop. Or a golf store. (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 19th, 2011
12:17 pm	"Fuck the flow." I was in a writing class down in LA a few years ago, and the teacher taught us these exercises to improve our writing. A lot of the focus was on being able to describe a setting a character is in, but without boring a reader to death. Like, description, but with some suspense added in. And in the exercsise, you gotta make sure you include certain classes of things in your description; it's like this step-by-step process that feels even a little mechanical. Some of the people in the class rebelled a little, because of that mechanization aspect. They said "but when I'm writing, sometimes I get into a flow! I wanna go with the flow!" I totally understood what they meant. But, Jack, the teacher, he said "Fuck the flow." That made me laugh a little bit. He said "fuck" a lot. I like teachers who use curse words. But, I thought about it for a while. Or, no. I've been thinking about it recently. I got this dumb cold and my brain is fuzzy. I've noticed that when I'm writing, there're days when I feel this flowingness, and I'm having a good time, and I even feel a little ego-tripping and omnipotent - like, lookit me, lookit all this writing I'm doing - I'm AWESOME. Other days, I feel like I'm plodding through molasses, and barely able to move my fingers across the typewriter keys and, like, okay, I'll describe this scene or whatever it is, but I feel almost too lazy to do it. Strangely enough, after a day of plodding through slow-moving molasses, and I think my writing is a huge disaster, oftentimes, I read it over, and that's when it comes out the best. And conversely, when I'm in this "flow" state or at least what I think is a flow, I look back, and the writing is kinda crappy. Why is that? Strange. You'd think I'd have better awareness of how my writing is going, as I'm writing it. But it all comes back to Jack. I think he has a point when he says "Fuck the flow." Anyway, I like doin' that one exercise I learned from Jack. I found that my writing improved a lot, y'know, cuz like, now there's a nice little context for the characters to move around in, rather than just having these disconnected floating brains moving around a void. (That's how my writing used to sound like). Description that isn't boring. That's a good one. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 6th, 2011
12:30 pm	Updateyness Ever since the advent of Facebook, I've felt less compelled to write on this blog, and then I feel all bad cuz I'm neglecting this poor blog that I like so much. Weird, man. It's like, there's something so tempting about just creating those dumb little soundbyte length status messages on facebook, you know. I dunno what it is. I guess it's cuz you know a buncha people're gonna see it right away, and sometimes they provide validation by pushing the "like" button. When you write blog entries, it takes a wee bit more work, cuz you gotta actually write something, say, a paragraph long. And then there's no guarantee that people'll see it anyway, cuz people sometimes forget that a blog is there, in the first place. The American attention span has gotten so short, dude. It's like, I'll notice it, myself, when I'm readin' stuff online. Like, go to Google News and all you really need to read is the titles of the articles in order to be updated on the world's events. Like, okay, cool, now I know that Libya's headin' toward civil war. Or that Mitt Romney tossed his hat into the election-campaign machinery. You don't even have to read the articles and it takes too much time and brain-power, anyway. Bleh. I'm tired. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 27th, 2011
11:17 am	Indeed. http://www.thebestpictureontheinternet.com/ This is it. The best picture on the internet. The best! (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
3:58 pm	Lacuna I guess there's not much new here, but that's a good thing, anyway. It's weird cuz there's this lacuna in my life right now. The thing that used to fill it up is all gone, and I'm not sure what to think about that. There're times, I feel like it's a huge loss, but other times when I wonder if the thing I lost was really all that good for me. The fact that I lost it so easily suggests to me that I woulda had to hang on to it really tight to keep it around, and that takes up way too much mental space. Now that there's a lacuna, I kind of wonder. Like, are there things I'm gonna fill it with? Or is it just gonna continue to be a big, empty space. The funny thing about empty space is that infinite possibility lies inside it. Or at least that's what I've heard. I dunno. This might be kind of a boring entry. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 31st, 2010
10:53 pm	Twenty Ten Wow, man, I just wanted to do one more post, y'know, before 2010 is over. I'm gonna be sad cuz it's fun to say "twenty ten." I'm not sure how fun it's gonna be to say "twenty eleven." There was some weird stuff this year, but I guess I could say that about any old year in recent memory, man. Yesiree. I saw a lion whose mane was flame and whose tongue was a forky snake tongue. That was nice. I saw a crow, too. And a snail. Well, the snail was a few days ago. But, that was nice, too. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 4th, 2010
3:57 pm	Teeny Tiny Christmas Tree Wow, man, it's been a weird couple of days, and a weird night last night to boot. I guess I'm dealin' with it just fine, but I was weirded out at first. Now I'm dealin'. I bought a teeny tiny Christmas tree at Trader Joes cuz they sell those, out there, in front of the store. I kept on passing by and thinking those are cute. I got one. This one ain't got no baubles on it, and I probably won't hang any offa it, cuz it might get grumpy. If I was a tree, I wouldn't want people hanging weird things offa my branches, cuz it's like, what the fuck? Why are all these weird things on my branches. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2010
3:51 pm	Thing It's like a good thing happened, but it led to a poopy thing, you know? Well, I guess you don't know, cuz I haven't said any specific details. But, suffice it to say, wow, I'm confused. Or something along those lines. Well, I dunno if I'm confused, cuz I know what course of action I'm gonna take, so there. It looks like it's gonna snow out there, and it's a real cold winter, man. Or, I dunno, cuz I guess it's not winter yet. I'm just babbling. Cuz the thing that happened that's good is a good thing, but I'm really nervous about it. I keep on saying to myself, if it doesn't go well, then nothing is lost, y'know? There's absolutely nothing lost. But if I never tried in the first place, it'd be impossible to know what could actually be. Yes. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 20th, 2010
12:23 pm	NaNoWriMo And I'm a little bit sad that I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year. I see other people's twitter tweets and facebook statuses that talk about doin' NaNoWriMo, and I get a little sad. But, it's not that I don't feel solid about my decision not to do it, cuz I feel pretty good about that. There was too much stress and this dumb job of mine keeps me till 6 or 8 pm, and that's not very conducive to writing, when you get home real late, and are brain-dead, and all you wanna do is veg and go to bed early. Yesiree. This job? It's, like, yeah, okay, now I know what kind of agency I probably don't wanna work at, but I'm still grateful for it, and if they gave me an offer for the following year, I'd take it, cuz of this screwed up economy. It's kind of scary to not know what I'm doing next year, to have all this uncertainty. There's a cute boy that I like, but I don't know if the interest is mutual, and I'm not even sure it would work, anyway. But it's nice to have that. It's almost like being alive again. (Comment on this)
12:08 pm	Rain, Rain, Rain I hope it keeps on raining all weekend long. I like the rain cuz it makes people stay indoors, and do you know what that means? No screaming kids. Well, they're probably still screaming, but they're a lot harder to hear when they're indoors. Yes, I've come to admit to myself that I hate the sound of kids playing. Funny, that. I used to hear from a lot o' people that they loved the sound of kids playing. So, when I got an apartment near some kind of school a few years back, I thought, okay, I'm supposed to like that sound. Cuz there were dumb kids playing outside every day. Then, later, I realized, no, I really don't like that sound, even though I'm "supposed to." Oh, well. Suffice it to say, it's hard to find any place on this planet that has no kids on it. I'll keep on looking, though. I dunno. I think part of it is that primate instinct of mine, you know? If you heard a screaming kid in our hunter gatherer days, that usually meant the kid was being eaten by a bear, and it's time to rescue them. So, being jumpy and not relaxing when you hear that sound used to keep the species going. Then again, now that I think of it, maybe it's okay to just let the kid be eaten, cuz if you try to rescue a kid from a bear, chances are you'll both be eaten. Better to just let the bear eat the kid, and stick around and make new ones. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. But, even if I know that, intellectually, it's hard to turn off those instincts that make you jumpy and orient to the sound of screaming kids. Bleh. So, yes, I hope it keeps on raining all weekend long. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 4th, 2010
4:49 pm	To Piggy Back On The Last Entry I mean, if the government is in the business of outlawing plants that it thinks are dangerous, then why not outlaw poison oak????????????? That stuff'll literally kill you, if you eat it. (Comment on this)
4:29 pm	Blank Slates It's funny to think about, well, let'see. How do I unpack this? Well, to put it really succinctly, it's funny to think about how fucked up this society is. Shit, I know, I've said that over and over again. But, I've been having this one specific thought in response to that dumb election yesterday that perpetuated the idiocy of prohibition. It's like don't get me started on those forces of evil, including this idiotic government, greedy corporate-money-powers, and boneheaded voters, and so forth. It's just plain evil! Fuck. Like, marijuana is a plant. And a plant is outlawed. That's just dumb. It's dumb for so many other reasons, but then, as I was thinking of this bit of absurdity, I cooked up this one scenario. Okay, there's this one Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where everybody passes out and they wake up with amnesia. And there's this stooge-guy who tells everyone they're at war with this other race of beings, and it's time to destroy them. Of course the war was just this completely fabricated load of bullshit, cooked up by Mr. Stooge-Man. And as the Star Trek characters go along, they all start questioning this war and they all come to this realization about how stupid it is. It made me think, that episode did. What if a bunch of us fell asleep and then woke up with no memory of what this dumb society is all about. We have the regular social skills and all that, but, like, have no recollection of this society. It's just a buncha people with their personalities intact, but total blank slates. Okay, here's my thing. I'm wondering if some of us retained our basic value systems but had this totally blank slate state, if we'd realize just how fucked up this world is. Let's say, for example, someone woke up like that, but back in slavery times, and they no longer had access to all the political messages and brainwashing of their society. Wouldn't they think slavery was this ridiculous thing? How could members of a species own other members of the same species? Doesn't make sense, dude. I think if someone woke up with no memory, they'd be all, what? We have a government that tells people what they can and can't put in their own bodies? Even though they're harming no one else? Why should a bunch of asshole corrupt politicians tell the rest of us what we can put in our bodies? Huh? And the government has outlawed a plant. A fucking plant, man. What the fuck? And it's a plant where you can use the materials from it to do all this really cool, environmentally sustainable stuff, to boot. (Make paper, car fuel, food, etc). It's like, what? How can you outlaw a plant? What else? Hmmm. See, this world is so fucked up, but I'm just as much a part of this fucked up world as everybody else, so it's hard to say. Oh, yeah, I got it. Sometimes when you're driving, you can tell the safe parts of town from the dangerous parts of town by looking at people's skin color. Like, just look at the people walking around, and if they're brown, then it might not be a safe area. I know I sound horrible, but I think lots of people do it. I think if we woke up all of a sudden and saw that there are these scary parts of town set aside for people of brown-skinnedness, and other parts set aside for people of white skinnedness, it would look odd to an outsider. (Especially considering the fact that, genetically, it's almost impossible to tell races apart, hmmm); like, I dunno. I mean, sure, the person who wakes up with a blank slate wouldn't have access to the history that created all this weirdness and segregation, but I think it would look really weird. I know there's other stuff, too. I just can't think of it right now, cuz I'm in Starbucks and I'm freaking out, and I'm all, like, oh man. Well, I'm, like, nervous, cuz I'm gonna visit my kitty in the hospital after her major surgery, and I just want to be there already! But visiting hours are in 54 minutes, so I still have a while to wait. So, I'll type up a bunch of blathery stuff here on my computer. A little while back, there was a girl sitting near me, and she was speaking with a British accent. I thought, isn't it funny, cuz people with British accents sound SO COOL. And yet, when they're in England, they just sound regular. I'm guessing American accents don't sound as cool to British folks as British accents sound to us Americans. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
10:20 am	People are stupid. That's all I have to say about that there election. 1. People are stupid and 2. it's a great day for the drug cartels! Fuck. Poor prop. 19. I voted for ya. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 29th, 2010
4:19 pm	NaNoWriMo? Misattunement. I'm chock full o' that. But more later on that. I'm waiting for the doctor to get back to me about my little kitty's diagnosis/prognosis. It makes me nervous, nervous, nervous, but at the same time, there's nothing I can do about it. No. I mean, I could call his office and say what's the deal, but I know he's busy and I wanna just trust that he'll call me when he gets a chance. See, I haven't even blogged about any of this cuz I haven't really known what to say or how to say it, y'know. Fudge, man. And here's another thing. I dunno if I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year. I got all signed up with a profile and everything, but I just dunno, man. See, what I write would be the 3rd chapter in a book that's made of 3 chapters that're really short stories strung together that make up a whole narrative. Wow, I'm sure this is really boring to read about. I'm much more fascinated with my own writing than others would be. Yes. But, the thing is this. Well, okay, I mean, here's how it started. I hadn't been writing in a long, longggg ass time, and then 2006 NaNoWriMo came around, and I wrote me a nice li'l novel. That made me proud. I don't think it'd take even that much editing to get it show-to-people-able. But, then my subsequent novels, well, I feel like they're long, rambling messes, at this point. I think they're fix-uppable, and I like the characters and plot enuff to wanna be able to do that. So, that makes me good and happy, too. And NaNoWriMo has been this amazing gift, because it got me writing again, and, wow! I've written me some novels. But, then this summer came along, and I really wanted to write a vampire story. So, I'd write some every couple days, just enough to feel satisfied, and then I'd edit it some and put it away. And so editing it as I went along was really nice, because once I got done with the story, it was in pretty good shape. Like, almost show-to-people-able. And I've written another vampire story since then, and when you put the 2 together, that makes up about 90 or 100 pages of writing. So, yay, those 2 stories are Chapters 1 and 2 of what's gonna be a bigger novel. I guess it took me about 3 and a half months to do that much writing. And now it's NaNoWriMo time, and I definitely wanna get started on Chapter 3 (which may end up being more like Chapter 3, 4, 5, and 6), but I dunno if I wanna do the writing according to the NaNoWriMo model, cuz I don't wanna write like mad every day and end up with a big, jumbly mess. I wanna do it the way I've been doing it. So I'm really conflicted cuz I feel like I wanna do NaNoWriMo cuz it's a fun, festive event, and some of my friends are doing it, but I sorta wanna do it in my own way, which means I probly won't end up with 50K words written in 1 month. It'd be more like 20 or 30K. Something like that. See, I dunno. Maybe it's a "ditch the raft" sorta situation, you know? Like, NaNoWriMo was the raft that I took across a stream to get to the land of novel-writing, but now I feel like I can do it on my own, and my new system is working better for me. Like, should I ditch the NaNoWriMo raft? Should I? Hmmm. Oh, well, I have a couple days to decide, and once I find out about the thing I wrote about above, it might make things easier for me to decide. Yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe so. (Comment on this)