Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in enosdrive's LiveJournal:

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Friday, July 17th, 2009
5:04 pm	Not Such a Good Day This wasn't such a good day, oh dear lord. The news was bad but not as bad as it could have been, so I guess I'm thankful for that. But, it's still not fun to get bad news. It all has to do with the stupid, poopy economy, but that's about all I can say, that's right. I seen that movie with Mozart in it, and Salieri, that bad-guy character? He's got some evil stuff that he does, and that's not very nice. But, man, how much I identify with that character. The mediocre person who's jealous of the genius. It's like, why does God give people the desire to do something beautiful, but none of the talent? It seems like this collossal joke that the universe likes to play on people. It's not very nice. Nope. It's not very nice at all. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 10th, 2009
9:19 am	Black Widows I dunno why I made the little window thingy come up, when I don't really feel like posting anything. I almost typed "I don't really feel like posing." That, too, I guess. I guess so. This is a long, long road, yesiree. Y'know, this thing called life? It's a long, long road. There's a spider living on the side of my house, and I'm still trying to figure out if he or she is a baby black widow or not. I'm probably supposed to kill it, but it's kind of cute, even though it might not be as cute when it grows up. There're so many black widows in these parts that I call my lawn chairs the "black widow chairs." You sit there, possibly inches from all these really scary spiders living in the nooks and crannies of them. It's kind of wild. When I was a kid, black widows signified death, and these days, they still signify death. But it's a different kind of death than the kind of death signified by vultures, for example. I can't quite explain it. It's like they look like they're evil, but then again, I know when I see them, if they are aggressive at times, it's usually to protect their egg-sacks, and that doesn't seem like such a bad thing. They run away, too. I'm scared of them, and they look evil, and yet, I sort of wonder, at the same time. I have a hard time killing them, cuz I don't like smushing things. I've thought about crows recently, too, cuz we got a lot of them around here. Sometimes you think of birdies as being messengers from heaven, but I think crows are messengers from oblivion. They speak to the void and they bring us messages from the void. That's nice of them. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
8:58 am	More Synchronicities Synchronicities: thought of eagles and hawks and what's the difference on 7/3; on 7/4 an article in the LA times discussed these poor bald eagles that might get kicked outta a place in Wash. DC where they nest; next day, on my run, I saw a cute little hawk that reminded me of my kitties. On the same run, I thought about a part of my novel with a vulture in it, and later into it saw some vultures flyin' overhead; then near the end of the run I was about 20 feet from one eating a dead thing in the road. I watched it till a car scared it away. My brother blogged something about one of his dogs having a microchip (I'm assuming implanted under the skin). That night Dr. McCoy implanted little microchips under Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk's skin. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
2:51 pm	Michael Jackson I realized I keep on working in the same place as where Michael Jackson stuff happens. I guess it's only 2x, but, like, I was working in Santa Maria when the Michael Jackson child molestation trial was going on in Santa Maria, and now I'm working in LA, where Michael Jackson died. I made that realization when I looked at Google news and they had this stuff about 750,000 people descending on LA for his funeral, and I thought, wait, is this local news? Then I'm, like, no, this is national news; it's only that it's national news that's happening locally. Not that I feel any connection with Michael Jackson. Not really. I'm guessing that there're other folks who worked in the same cities during both of those events cuz lots of people move from Santa Maria to LA cuz people in California move to big cities. It's like LA and SF are these big magnets that suck people to them. Gotta run. (Comment on this)
10:50 am	This Toilet Is Going Down The Toilet I'm, like, unstructured time girl cuz I have a lot of unstructured time. I gotta keep on doing this poopy paperwork cuz I gotta finish before I clear outta here. I'm gonna not have internet access soon, and that's gonna be strange-o. There's not much you can do without internet access, but I'm stuck in the stone ages, with an ancient computer and no idea how to set up internet service and all that. I don't care. My life is set on this timer to fall apart in a couple weeks, and I'm so apathetic about it, just so dang apathetic. Maybe I should be less apathetic, but at the same time, it's like, dude, I dunno. It's like, there's a choice between bein' really anxious and not givin' a shit, and there doesn't seem to be any type of middle ground, so it's like, don't take care of things and let your life fall apart all around you, and that's just fine. It's now the case that it's nearly 1 in 10 people in this country that're unemployed. My boss's boss sez that she's gettin' calls from LOTS of people, lookin' for jobs. Clinical psychology is a growth industry, cuz we're livin' in the world, this ugly, ugly world that induces a lot of psychopathology, and yet, even shrinks are having hard times finding employments. That's pretty bad, man, pretty bad. A whole school counseling center nearby got shut down, and it's not like schools don't need counseling. Indeed, quite the opposite: schools need more counseling, more now than ever, cuz everybody's going crazy. Everybody's going crazy and shrinks can't find work, and this toilet is going down the tubes. I mean, this country's going down the toilet. Right. The toilet's going down the toilet, ha ha ha. I wonder if it already has poop in it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
8:22 am	Not Much To Say I was awake until 1am this morning reading Twilight. It's weird, anticipating a long weekend. I'm not a fan of long weekends. Maybe I'll like it once it's there, though. Maybe it'll give me a chance to catch up on things. Right, okay, there's all this crap I gotta do that I'm just now thinking of. That's a good thing. Nope, not much to say. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
1:14 pm	Synchronicity for the Day Today at lunch, my friends and I were talking about how there've been many plane crashes on the news recently. I was thinking yesterday about how I used to be really really stoked when people told me my music sounded like Talking Heads or David Byrne, but then later on, in September of 2005 or thereabouts, someone told me that my music sounded just like David Byrne, and I wasn't thrilled cuz I no longer wanted to sound just like him. I thought yesterday about how funny it was that that one person's feedback in 2005 would have made me stoked as all get-out if it had occurred years earlier. But I was actually a little dismayed cuz I no longer wanted to be a David Byrne Replica. Then I went to my dreamblog just now and randomly selected May 2005 just for kicks and it came up with this entry: I was on an airport runway that was actually more like the top of a parking-garage-structure. Me and some other people, who were waiting for our flights, were standing by the stairwell that went down. I think I was flying from the west coast to the east coast. A plane took off, but then it came crashing back down onto the runway. It sorta skidded to a landing. But then it took off again and banked sharply up into the air. Then it turned around and crashed again, landing upside-down. Then it fell down the stairs. No one seemed that concerned, but I was sort of afraid people might've gotten hurt. I also dreamed that I'd recorded a song with many voices on it. Instead o' the usual zip disk that I use in real life, I'd recorded different versions of the song onto used kleenexes. I guess what you do is when you wanna listen to the music, you shove the used kleenexes into the zip-drive (on my digital 8-track recorder). David Byrne's voice was on some of the recordings. When I was younger, he usedta be my hero, so at that age I'd've been thrilled to have him in my mysic. But presently, he ain't my hero, and I wasn't thrilled. Meanwhile, I was trying to find the version of the recording I wanted to keep, but I was afraid I'd thrown it away (I mean, it WAS on used kleenex, after all!) (Comment on this)
11:49 am	Anxiety and Free Time Do I write stupid emails to network with people or do I do some reading? Or work on paperwork? I'm realizing I like being busy better than not being busy. I guess that's a pretty normal thing, but when you're really busy, you think, oh, it'd be nice to have a break, but when you get a long break, you feel stupid. You invariably feel stupid. You sit there and worry about things you can't control. It's the weirdest job in the world, cuz in some instances, you're really super good at what you do, and in other instances, you're horrible at what you do, and the ironic thing is, you're doing the exact same thing in both instances, more often than not. This is completely cryptic. Alas. 2 synchronicities this weekend had stuff to do with werewolves. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 26th, 2009
4:00 pm	Synchronicity for the Day Poison came up in several recent conversations (one today); I got this in my junk mail box: "Help Save Frogs from a Deadly Poison in the U.S. - Deadline Monday!" (Comment on this)
10:05 am	Darksquirrels It's so strange how celebrities die in 3's - Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucett, and Michael Jackson. Fuckity fuck, man. I see lots of sad people, and it's really strange what happened this week. Yesterday was a strange one cuz everything was off. EVERYTHING. The power was out in 1/2 the campus, and as a result, our 'lectronic database went down, so we were pretty crippled yesterday. All these other fucked up crazy things happened, too, and then Michael Jackson died, and it was just dark. I went on Google maps and you can do a thingy where you see what places look like from the street. I went to Dartmouth and looked around, and today, I went to where I used to live in Philadelpia. That bar called Tangiers is still there. That was nice, cuz I didn't want that place to go away. But, in Hanover, NH, the P&C is now a CVS, and the FoodStop is something else, too. :-( But the Gap's still there! :-) I kind of wonder, cuz I used to imagine that people are in Heaven, their souls are there, before they get born on earth. But, now I'm realizing that sometimes you start out in Hell before you were born. That's why life is so shitty; it's just an extension of where you were before. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 25th, 2009
11:27 am	It's odd to find yourself in such a dark mood that nothing in your head seems appropriate to post on the internet. The internet is a stupid thing to have around because you can impulsively put stuff on there that you later regret. I wish the internet had never been invented cuz it seems like life was better before it existed. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
9:43 am	That Would Be Nice Okay, I should get some work done. I saw a Star Trek: The Original Series last night, where it was about this sorta wraith-like evil presence that traveled from planet to planet, committing mass murders. Then I read in Twilight - Book 3 about mass murders. Yes. I'm going to start documenting my synchronicities so I can keep better track of them. Although I think they're slowing down right now. They come in waves. They don't really mean anything. The one yesterday during the day was: after dreaming that a poster in my office disappeared, I came in and it had half-way fallen off the wall. And the day before, I was thinking about how, even though it sometimes feels like God is supposed to save you, it's really not the case. Then I immediately saw a Jesus is God bumper sticker. I thought to myself, wouldn't it be nice to be so sure about your beliefs and to have this absolute certainty that you'll be saved? That would be nice. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
2:40 pm	Unstructured Time Oh, dear lord, I know I have stuff I should be doing right now, but it's weird when you end up with a whole afternoon of unstructured time. I'm so tempted to just say I'm feelin' sick and go home. I guess I won't do that, though. I guess not. But, man-alive, it's tempting. I guess I won't, though. I'm getting used to how the controls on an iPod work. It's really different than other things I've used cuz there's a little wheel. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 19th, 2009
3:06 pm	It's Father's Day this Sunday; don't forget. Okay, now I gotta do some work. (Comment on this)
8:08 am	Cats, Magic, and Death I got here nice and early cuz I didn't wanna be late for the 8:00am meeting, but only 1 other person is here and everybody else is running late. I think they must be stuck in traffic. I guess that's okay; I dunno, man. No, I guess it's fine. It's nice that it's Friday, and the like, although it wasn't a particularly stressful week. Shit, I have nothing cool to write about. I was thinking this morning about single women with cats, and why they're hated so much. Why is that? Why would your choice of pet damn you and automatically relegate you to the ugly category of "cat lady?" Is our patriarchal society threatened by unmarried women? Most people wanna get married, so I dunno why it's such a big deal that some end up unmarried. It's gonna happen, statistically speaking, since there are more men than women (unless they make polygamy legal). But why is it an extra special stigma to have a cat? Why???? I think it's cuz cats are magical creatures, and women also have more access to magic than men cuz they're closer to nature. As a result, maybe people automatically think "witches" when they see women with cats. For some reason, witches are terrifying to our society with its rigid patriarchal agendas. Women with power, I mean, that's what a witch is. That's hella threatening to our male-dominated culture. I dunno. I could be full of shit. But, I've witnessed my kitties time traveling and appearing from outta nowhere. They're particularly magical little creatures. And, it's interesting that no one knows where housecats came from. No one knows their lineage, you know. There's some speculation about European wildcats, but those guys are too shy to be domesticated. There're some cats in Africa and stuff too that people think might be their ancestors, but in reality, no one really knows where kitties came from. Maybe they came from another dimension or another time, and they've really come as messengers to us stupid, clueless humans. What's really weird is, if you had no depth perception, whatsoever, and you just saw your little housecat come in and start taking a bath, it would be really freaky, cuz this thing could weigh 12 pounds or 500 pounds. There's something archetypal about kitties cuz when we were in the caveman days, things that looked like that used to eat us. It's funny to see my little kitties moving the same way as lions or tigers and looking a lot like them and even having really sharp claws and thinking, wow. You kitties are the same kind of people that used to eat humans. It's like they're here as a reminder of those days, when we used to get eaten. Maybe that's why people are so weird about cats. It seems like people either love them or hate them. It's like, the cat haters are scared of their magic, and they get all weird about animals that look and move around exactly like those which used to eat us. And then other people, people like me, are fascinated by these animals that remind us so much of that which used to kill us. They remind us so much of death. It's like, by having little kitties, we keep death close by, and it seems like that's the way to be truly alive. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
11:55 am	Brain Cancer Driving to work was lovely today cuz there was just the regular amount of logjam LA traffic, rather than the constipated mess of yesterday, poopity poop. Dude, I feel so burnt out and totally brain dead, too, man! I am so totally off my game today that you wouldn't even believe it. It's like my brain lost about 50 IQ points this week. Or, maybe more closer to 30 or so. I don't have that many IQ points to spare. Fuckity fuck. Man, how do I get back into my game? I bought 2 diet cokes today, two! Yes. Because, like, I need the caffeine. Maybe it'll make my brain all sparkly and i'll be able to do my job better. I dont' care if diet soda's supposed to give you brain cancer cuz, like, I dunno. That's just one necessity that I can't live without and if I gotta risk brain cancer, so be it, man. There are so many horribly worse addictions, that I'll take the diet soda one cuz it doesn't screw you up like those other addictions. Unless that thing about brain cancer is true, but it's probably one of those statistically significant effects that doesn't mean anything. I mean, if you know enuff about statistics, you know that if you have a large enuff sample size, even the most teeny tiny, minute effect will come out "statistically significant." They, whoever it was that did the study, probably found that, like, 1 in 10 million people who drink soda get brain cancer instead of 1 in 20 million people who don't drink soda and get brain cancer. It's like, who cares? Add to that, this is probably a correlational study, where you can't really control, experimentally, how much diet soda a person drinks in a lifetime, so if they're finding more brain cancer in diet soda drinkers, there're probably other unhealthy things these diet soda drinkers are doing as well that increase their susceptibility. Or maybe they studied it in rats. They probably gave the rats more diet soda than anyone would ever drink, anyway. I mean, like, you know. They once studied rats where they force fed them watermellon and the rat exploded and they concluded that watermellon's bad for you. I'm still gonna eat watermellon. Too much of anything ain't great. Ha ha, then again, I know nothing about the brain cancer-diet soda studies, so maybe I did buy two bottles of menacing death, after all. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
8:53 am	I Hate Parades, I Hate the Lakers, I Hate Everything Shit, dude, I should just be grateful I got to work today, oh man. They said they'd close my offramp at 10am; I got there at 7:44 and it was closed, and I had to drive a mile or so outta my way, or even further than that and get stuck in snarls of horrible traffic all cuz some idiot, ass-wipe turd came up with the idea of having a stupid fucking parade IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK right by my work, fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I wanted to spit nails at the whole thing. I know, if I had that mindful acceptance thing down, maybe it'd've saved my day, but I didn't. I was just pissed as all get-out. Fuck, man. I don't care that the Lakers won, I really don't. It's like, before, I thought it was nice, almost like this city had school spirit cuz all these people are donning Lakers shirts and driving around with little Lakers flags on their cars, and the like. But, now I don't give a rat's ass. I dunno. It doesn't seem like it's very good for this economy to keep people from coming to work. But I don't know how economics works. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
5:26 pm	The Soft Parade. The Soft Turd Parade. Man, this day's just plain dragging. Tomorrow'll be busy and stressful, so at least it'll go fairly quick-ish. But stressful. It's like, I had this huge, gigantically huge deadline last Friday to get all my paperwork done and sent to my supervisors for review. Cool, I did it! But that meant that today, after all that frantic, back-breaking effort, there's not much to do. Bleh. So I started writing rough drafts of emails to people I know up north who might be able to help me find a job, in addition to the one I already have. But, that kind of stuff makes me real nervous, so that's why I wrote rough drafts. That way, I can look at 'em again tomorrow and see what I think-poops about how they sound. Poops. But, that stuff makes me nervous as all get-out, dude. It freaks me out, big time, man. It's about a half hour till I can go home. These 9.4 hour long days are killers, man. I mean, I like the 3 day weekends, but if we were on a 5 day schedule (7.5 hours/day), I'd be driving home right now. As it is, I'm tryin' to figure out how to kill time. Fuckity fuck, I wanna go home. And then the traffic is so much worse at 6pm than it is at 5pm, so that's not very fun, either. Bleh. I guess I sound complainy. There's gonna be a dumb parade tomorrow that goes right past work, and they're opening a bunch of the parking garages to the stupid general public (so employees have nowhere to park), and closing off a bunch of streets and offramps (so you can't get to work, much less park). What a nightmare-mess this is gonna be. Why have a parade in the middle of the week? On a Wednesday??????? So they can fuck up people's chances of getting to work? What????? Okay, yeah, I'm glad the Lakers won and all, yadda yadda yadda, but couldn't they wait for a Saturday? Couldn't they???????? Bleh. (Comment on this)
10:43 am	Doom - n - Gloom I'm sorta gloomy today, and I'm not sure why, man. There's sorta a sense of doom that hangs over my head as I work on paperwork. Ah, well. Maybe it'll pass. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 12th, 2009
11:19 am	Synchronicity for the Day I dreamed I was at a store and someone was talking about buying a certain brand of staples. I was thinking about 2 different brands of staples and wondered why the person was stuck on one particular brand. I just tried to staple something, and my stapler's outta staples. That's right! (Comment on this)